tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
