I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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