If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
