I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
