just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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