I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
