Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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