I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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