Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
