shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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