I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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