that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
