Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we're making bets on your personal life
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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