I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Two words: nipple clamps
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