all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
