Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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