that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
