Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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