did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Quick, to the slutcave!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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