tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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