I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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