In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
