tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
