Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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