Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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