i barfeds in our rink
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
