I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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