dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
