We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
