I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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