bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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