i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
