One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
