I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
