its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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