Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
