4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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