wanna go halves on a baby?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I licked your asshole in confidence.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
