woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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