I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
