I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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