Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
