My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
