Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
