they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
