So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
