come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
