in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
