I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
