I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
