Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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