id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
