I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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