so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
