My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
40s are totally the cure
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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