Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
