i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
