I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
