Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
