Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
