....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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