I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
