You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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